I’ve had a number of conversations recently regarding my call and affiliation with the Christian Reformed Church. In my mind, these are two different things. First there is God’s call upon my life to plant a church in Portland – a call that has been affirmed by a variety of people from a variety of places. And then, there is my affiliation with the CRC – something I’ve been working toward for a couple years now. Ideally, the two will be joined and I will plant a church in Portland for the CRC. But what if something (my connection to the CRC) falls through? I’m not saying I expect it to, but what if it did?
Here’s where it’s important to make a distinction between the two. When push comes to shove, which way will you go?
To be born and raised in the CRC is to be born into a long, grand history and tradition. But what I’ve seen happen since coming to GR is a tendency to elevate some of that to an authoritative level. We have our systems and procedures and check-lists, and we become suspicious of anything or anyone that may not fit inside these boxes.
Especially for those whom God has entrusted his people, we need to have at least some sort of “hierarchy” (although I’m not too comfortable with that word here) of steps and loyalties for carrying out our duties. My personal recommendation is that God’s will – and his call upon a person – is far more important than the standards and expectations of any earthly organization.
The conversations that I’ve been having lately are surrounding the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) requirement that has been placed on me by the candidacy committee, and my call to plant a church. At this point, I have been declared a “candidate with delay” which means that I can be ordained once I complete CPE. The problem in my particular situation is that the Portland CPE programs are booked up for a few years and my candidacy will lapse in March (meaning I have to re-apply at some point in the future). And so the track that I’m on this point is moving to Portland, being given a regional ordination, and when I complete CPE I’ll re-apply for denominational ordination.
But when it comes down to it, what will take precedence if I have to choose between the health and well-being of the church and the job God has called me to or my continued affiliation with the CRC? That’s a dangerous question to ask…just the fact that I raise it will make people nervous. I’ve said this time and time again: I have every intention of doing CPE. But not at the expense of the people/congregation God has entrusted to me. Is it possible that these two could be at odds with one another? I think it is possible. The potential fall-out is that I may be forced out of the CRC over CPE. Some would say that I would then be stepping outside God’s will. I may be accused of being self-righteous and ignoring the “wisdom” of others around me. But how much say do I give man for matters pertaining to God?
The difficulty I have in talking about this is clearly communicating what I would consider to be a fairly balanced view. There are strong opinions surrounding this situation in every direction. There are those who are very worthy of respect who want to see me make CPE a top priority. Without disrespecting those voices, I feel it’s more important for me to be as in-tune with God as I possibly can. When the Spirit is pulling me so strongly in a certain direction despite my imperfections and that’s been affirmed by other respectable people, what do I do with CPE? In many ways, I feel as though I’m in the middle of a classic charismatic/Pentecostal dilemma: When two “prophets” speak opposing words from God, who’s right?
My first priority in all things (of significance…I’ve known people who wouldn’t brush their teeth unless they felt it was “God’s will”) is to be obedient to the leading of the Spirit and the will of God. This is not a rejection of CPE or denial that I could benefit from it. I’m just not absolutely convinced at this point that CPE is something that will “make-or-break” my future ministry…only God knows that. CPE is now on the table. If God, in his eternal and perfect omniscience, knows that I’ll need CPE for my ministry, he’ll open the doors for me to do it.
And here’s where it gets really dicey: just because there’s a CPE opening, doesn’t mean this is something I should do. A number of things need to come together. In order to do CPE, a spot will open AND God will provide a means to care for the church plant. As a realistic example, if I’m able to get into a summer CPE program three years from now and God brings an exceptionally gifted leader or intern to our church, I will see that as an open door/leading by God for me to step away from the church for a couple months to do CPE. That’s just one example….
God knows what the future holds and I trust him in that. In the meantime, I’m going with my gut…move to Portland and start a church…
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